friduchablack

There is much to say and yet it is with great difficulty that I can even think of what to say.  Another day gone, one day less of life to live... it is still three months and some change since I last saw my father ... and I still don't know how to let go and how to remember.  It is difficult to sit in an empty room and try with all your might to hear the voice of he, who, is now gone.  It is even harder to get his voice to settle in your head.  I don't understand what this all means but I know how it feels and believe you me, the feeling is unwanted and yet you understand finally what it is to have loved and lost.    


They say that PATIENCE IS VIRTUE well, I'm rightfully overdue.  I know that for the rest of my life I will keep losing those near and dear and yet, somehow, I know that nothing will be as hard as letting go the first time AND NOTHING WILL PREPARE ME FOR THE OTHERS THAT WILL RIGHTFULLY FOLLOW.  Patience is not my strong suit but I will keep on treadging along living and dying at the same time, remembering the man who was stronger than the ox but who died as weak as the fly caught in the spiders web...


  

 well, daddy, pops, papi, viejillo, señorito...

       i'll forever miss you and need you.  i really love you!  see you one day papi!  oh, LORD!  i miss you!  

       one for my dady ... and one for the road!   i'll always love you.


(a wee, bit pathetic!  i dare say!  saying goodbye to the year and to you through the WORLD WIDE WEB)


bye papi                


HELLO 2008

i hope it's an easier year!

of course these are just ramblings... then again, i never really have anything concise to say -and that, my dears, is saying much.  here i am, a few hours 'til the new year and i'm in front of a computer instead of next to my kin.  it has much to do with the loss of my father and nothing to do with my need for 'outside-r- ness'.   

he's gone and now i'm feeling it.  it took my three months and some change to really feel his absence.  it is excruciatingly painful.  a pain people who never felt it write about and the ones who do and have can't write about because it is too strong and too overwhelming.  

...well, enough of my thoughts i think i should be going outside -to the food, drinks, and to the family i still have.  to the people who manage to make everyday berable and a little more bright.  

tomorrow is another day and my feet want to say goodbye to the year with a little jiggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg